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Fernweh (Remastered and Razzle Dazzled)

by Rebecca Karpen

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1.
I'm worried about you Don't know what to do You say that you're going And I know I shouldn't worry That it's not my place to You don't know where you're going But the trees seem to want to hold you close And you've been flying all over the world And you think you'll be settling down on the West Coast And maybe the clean air will do you good Better than these jagged streets ever could And maybe the clean air will do you good Forgoing the lampposts for seas of wood And I hope it makes you happy There's no light in your eyes But maybe you could find some there And maybe the searing sounds of swallows Makes up for the fact you're losing your hair All I know is that I worry And it's not my place to All I know is that I worry Because I want the best for you I've been here long enough to know How dark the skies remain And I've heard the screams with no reprieve And it leaves you like a ghost And you claim you never had any hope So why would you find some now But still I hope the world can treat you better And give you laugh lines around your eyes howling loud Rather than stress lines puckering your brow Because maybe the clean air will do you good It'll blanket your body And keep you warm Just as it should And maybe the clean air will do you good And you could find something wonderful there Something about which you actually care And I hope it makes you happy And I hope it makes you happy And I hope it makes you happy Because you deserve to be happy
2.
I'm worried about you Don't know what to do You say that you're going And I know I shouldn't worry That it's not my place to You don't know where you're going But the trees seem to want to hold you close And you've been flying all over the world And you think you'll be settling down on the West Coast And maybe the clean air will do you good Better than these jagged streets ever could And maybe the clean air will do you good Forgoing the lampposts for seas of wood And I hope it makes you happy There's no light in your eyes But maybe you could find some there And maybe the searing sounds of swallows Makes up for the fact you're losing your hair All I know is that I worry And it's not my place to All I know is that I worry Because I want the best for you I've been here long enough to know How dark the skies remain And I've heard the screams with no reprieve And it leaves you like a ghost And you claim you never had any hope So why would you find some now But still I hope the world can treat you better And give you laugh lines around your eyes howling loud Rather than stress lines puckering your brow Because maybe the clean air will do you good It'll blanket your body And keep you warm Just as it should And maybe the clean air will do you good And you could find something wonderful there Something about which you actually care And I hope it makes you happy And I hope it makes you happy And I hope it makes you happy Because you deserve to be happy

about

Lucy Dacus has a lyric I've always really loved: "In five years I hope the songs feel like covers/Dedicated to new lovers."

I have always lacked the type of commitment that keeping a diary requires. Because long writing piece hard, I prefer writing these songs. They're shorter and require the cutting of fat by virtue of genre constraints. As a result, I view many of my songs like diary pages and I can turn back to any of my songs and remember who I was at that moment in time, what I was feeling, what I learned from the situation, blah blah blah. It also means that sometimes it hurts me to look at these songs. I don't always write about myself (sorry to the few of you who heard Highway Gods and Aliens and legitimately believed I went on a cross country roadtrip to escape the law), but often I do. I write with a sense of urgency, as if I've been inflated with enough joy, anxiety, sadness, or anger that I would pop if I kept holding it all in.

Both this song and recording date from 2018. Although I love this song, whenever I listen to it, I remember how much pain I was in when I wrote it, I remember how much further pain I was due to experience as a consequence of its addressee over the following few years, but most importantly, I remember how much love I put into every word of this song, and how brave I was to share it.

This has always been Nathaniel's favorite song of mine. For those of you unfamiliar with my partner in crime, Nathaniel Korb is my best friend, occasional co-writer, producer, and a musical encyclopedia. I remember calling him, 10 am and a distraught mess, crying on an out of tune baby grand in an NYU practice room and how he spent hours with me listening to my different performances and helping me finalize my lyrics. Despite my desire to distance myself from this song and much of what inspired it, he never forgot about it and even remastered the original, as well as creating a new remix, both of which are here. Upon listening to them, I cried. He put so much care into these versions and honestly, both of us dedicating emotions towards putting this out into the world made me feel a lot less lonely in relation to this song.

In 2018, I wrote this song for someone else and immediately sent it to them after recording, saying verbatim "this is yours." Despite the fact we haven't spoken in years and I pray we don't again, a large part of me remained hung up on their ownership. Here's the thing though, none of my music truly belongs to anyone else, it is, and will always be mine. These are my words, my feelings, my melodies, my minor chords, and my overly emotional vocals. Every piece I write is a piece of myself, and while I am entitled to my trauma and my sore spots, they'll always remain part of me. I think listening to these tracks and seeing how much care Nathaniel thought they deserved made me realize that. I have made my peace with this song. Will I perform it live? It might be a while but I think one day I might be ready for that. Until then, this is my song, it's damn good. I love it and I hope you take away whatever you need from it. I love you and thank you for caring about me and my work. I cannot possibly articulate how much it means to me.

Nathaniel, I'm going to be a hypocrite now and contradict what I said a couple sentences back. This song is forevermore dedicated to you and thank you for helping me learn to love it again. You are the best friend I could ever ask for and I am so happy to have you in my life.

credits

released October 31, 2022

Album Art by Lila Meretzky lilameretzky.com
Vocals by Rebecca Allison Karpen
Lyrics by Rebecca Allison Karpen
Music by Rebecca Allison Karpen
Piano by Rebecca Allison Karpen
Recording by Rebecca Allison Karpen
Produced by Rebecca Allison Karpen and Nathaniel Jefferson Korb
Remastered by Nathaniel Jefferson Korb
Remixed by Nathaniel Jefferson Korb

©Rebecca Karpen United 2022 Bitch

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Rebecca Karpen New York, New York

I play baritone ukulele and cry a lot.
Go figure.

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